Every year, the gym is always busiest in the second week of January but tapers off by the second week of February. Unfortunate but true that some people’s New Year gym resolution expired faster than a can of tuna.

Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist, and Harvard Business School professor said, “We’re really bad at setting reasonable goals.” These resolutions could actually be doing more harm than good. One of the reasons why New Year resolution dies prematurely is that we tend to focus on the “What and How” before being clear on the “Why?”.

Fitness is everyone’s favorite New Year Resolution but everyone does it for a different reason. Vishen Lakhiani, the author of The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, wants to be fitter than his 20 years old self by 70. “I want to be able to spend quality time with my grandchildren. By quality time, I mean play a real football game with them for the full 90 minutes!” He said. He is 40 this year.

On the other hand, a friend of mine, Kerry wants to lose weight. When asked why, she said, “to stop people from teasing me.” A “why” that depends on external affirmation is vulnerable; never outsourced your self-esteem.

Between Vishen and Kerry, Who do you think will find fitness more fun, purposeful, and get better results?

Instead of New Year resolution, a friend created New Year manifesto.

She is a God-fearing lady. Her manifesto was “To Serve God”, a simple but clear reflection of her value.

Her manifesto is both an amplifier and a filter.

She asked, “Is this in line with my manifesto?” If it is a “Yes”, she amplifies it; she does more of it and does a better job of it. If it is a “No”, she filters it.

She asked, “What can I do to amplify my manifesto?” For example, she has decided that going the extra miles in her work is a way to serve God. Since then, she has doubled down her performance.

“It gives me more clarity to WHY I do what I do. It focuses me on the most important thing,” She said.

In the ancient time, when GPS was non-existent, the sailor sailed by searching for the North Star. The star guided them. A manifesto is the North Star in your life. It is simple yet you know it is always reliable. Read More

I call this note My life’s little instructions. I wrote it for my 29th birthday.

Since then, I update it yearly as a birthday ritual.

This week, I turned 29 30 31.

#1 Everyone is fighting their own battles

“If we threw our problems in a pile and got a look at everyone else’s, we would fight to get back ours“, Regina Brett wrote in her book “God never blinks”.

A few weeks ago, during my team dinner with the boss, she said, “I wish I could invite you guys to my house, but my father does not like visitors.” We asked why.

“He suffered a brain injury and became atrabilious ever since. Sometimes, he lashes out at my mom.” I thought she had a perfect life, then I got a glimpse of her vulnerable side.

Everyone is fighting their own battles. Even Obama has constipation.

#2 The best way to trust someone is to trust them

A friend’s boyfriend cheated on her.

She asked me,” How could ever I trust anyone anymore?”

“Keep trusting. I know it is painful, but I would trade another betrayal than stopping trusting people. Why let someone’s misuse of trust turns you into one of them? There are more than enough people who love you. Trust them,” I said.

#3 Don’t compare life

My sister’s HR manager asked her in her interview, “How do you feel having high achiever elder siblings?”

My sister replied, “Good for them. Now, If you may, It is time for me to live mine!”  We have our own destiny and it begins when you stop comparing.

Never try to live someone else’s life; never try to chase after other’s destiny. Because you are awesome the way you are. Read More

I was alone, stranded in the middle of a safari. The sky was painted bright orange and a soft blue – I couldn’t tell if it was sunrise or sunset.

“How did I get here?” I shook my head hard but my memories were blank. It was as if God sneezed while He was painting my destiny but smeared off a chunk of my memories.

I dusted the dirt off my body and looked around, spotting a huge parade of white elephants. There was easily three dozen of them in various sizes – one as large as a hot air balloon! “He must be the alpha male,” I murmured.

Suddenly, gunshots echoed from afar. The earth started moving. I could barely find my balance. When I finally did, two dozen panicked elephants were storming towards me!

“FUCK!” I yelled. I ducked instinctively. I was bouncing up and down on the ground like a basketball during an earthquake.

“I had a really vivid dream!!” I later WhatsApp-ed my friend, describing the white elephants and their earth shaking stomping.

“Perhaps it was not a dream,” she replied.

A strong 6.0-magnitude earthquake had just rocked Sabah and shattered Mount Kinabalu. We were to hike the mountain exactly 24 hours later. The gunshots in my dream were, in reality, the sound of shattering glasses in my room. I came very close to facing the white elephants on Mount Kinabalu.

Over a hundred of climbers are stranded at the peak of Mount Kinabalu. Some might not even survive the sub-zero temperature at night. I prayed for their safety. Had I decided to hike one day earlier, I would have been one of them. I might not come home at all.

I couldn’t help but think…“What if?”

There are only so few people and so few things that truly matter in our lives.
“I would’ve called my family to say a final goodbye if Digi had the reception at the peak,” my friend said. We had decided to spend our planned climbing weekend near the beach instead. I sipped my latte.

“My parents would’ve been so heart-broken. It would break my heart to see my parents mourn for me,” she continued. “I think it is a blessing if our parents pass before us.” It reminded me of literature I read many years ago.

It was a book on the French revolution. At their final moments, a group of revolutionist captives was lined up heading towards a Guillotine – a tall, upright frame with a weighted, angled blade is raised to the top and suspended. The captives were to be locked at the bottom of the frame, their neck directly below the blade. Public beheading was a scare tactic to suppress the revolution.

There was an innocent young girl among the captives. She did not know that death was near. As the captives approached the deadly structure, the adult revolutionists pushed the girl to the very front of the line. I didn’t understand why the adults could be so cowardly.

“It is love,” my literature teacher replied with a graceful smile. Read More

Last year, I jumped off a plane. It was my first tandem skydiving experience.

Commercial tandem skydiving is easy and hassle-free. We went with an academy in Pattaya run by an Australian boss. We were given a short 10 minute brief on “what you should do if you want to get yourself killed” in a half-jokingly manner. He included “do not puke in mid-air” and “pee before you jump”.

My tandem buddy was an American by the name of John. He looked like he was in his late thirties.

John spoke in a thick west American accent that reminded me of sunny California beach. He also spoke fast and loud – sounded like a carefree cowboy from Texas.

There were 10 of us and the propeller-powered plane could only take two pairs of jumpers at a time; I went last so I had quite a fair bit of time to kill. John and I walked around the hanger to check out a collection of gliders.

“Hey John, what brought you to Thailand?” I knew it was common to have Farang in Pattaya anyway, but the question felt like a safe ice breaker.

“Well, life. Life brought me here. I started sky diving in my twenties and I got hooked. The jumps became part me ever since. I went around the world to dive; and at each place, I hang around a little while. Bangkok is my 20^th stop. Or wait, or maybe 23^rd. Well, I lost count.”

“Wow! It must be a heck of a life! Do you like Thailand better than any other countries?”, I asked. Now he got my attention.

“Son, this is a wrong question. The world doesn’t make you; you make the world. Thailand is as great as I want it to be, or as miserable as I want it to be too. It is up to you to make a lemon into lemonade…or a cocktail. I prefer it with extra shot though. ”

We laughed.

“How do you make the world?”, I asked.

He tapped his finger lightly on my forehead and said “Start with your head”. He pointed to the dark cloud that was forming not far away and I can vaguely see our plane in the sky.

“See that? What do you see?” Tiny figures dropped out of the plane.

“Storm’s coming and I will probably not make my turn later?” I said.

“Well, yes and no. I see a clear sky for a perfect jump after the storm moves west. Or if the storm does linger on, you just saved your own life. Either way, it is good for you!”

He went on. “Everything has no meaning until we assign them one. You see that?” He pointed to a bright yellow single seated aircraft at the far corner of the hanger.

“It is just an aircraft in our eyes, meaning beautiful mechanics part put together, at best. To him, it is a painful memory. The plane belonged to Mona”. As he spoke, he casually pointed to Alex who was busy getting ready to buddy my friend. Alex is the owner of the academy.

“Who is Mona?” I asked.

“His wife. Died.”

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